Does it ever go away?

Does it ever go away?

When I’m thinking of what I’d like to blog about, it usually just comes to me…pops into my mind like it was meant to be.  This time, I’m a little concerned to share the nitty-gritty thoughts and details, but I also know how healing words can be.  Sometimes sharing our story lifts the weight off my shoulders and allows me to rise above the pain and the hurt…and keep on our journey of growing, healing, loving, and just being.  I truly hope this reaches all of you that are hurting and encourages you and gives you hope.

Does it ever go away?  The yearning to carry a child within my own body, to experience pregnancy, to feel my body grow, to give life to a precious baby? 

It certainly hides its face…especially during our life changing moments of adoption.  While we were not able to create our own miracle, we were able to grow one in our hearts.  We dreamed and still dream of our children every day.  Jake and I talk of the names we love, how our children will be as they grow, and how we will help them to flourish in life!  We were able to be there for both of their births, to cut the umbilical cord, to place our baby girls on our chests within minutes of their deliveries, and to share tears as we witnessed their coming into this world.  I was able to laugh and smile when people told me just how great I looked for just giving birth. J

The point that I am trying to share, is that we have been immeasurably blessed…not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for trusting us, for choosing us to be Liberty and Bella’s mom and dad.  We have been blessed beyond measure, but yes, we still hurt.  We still hurt that it has to be so difficult to grow our family...it hurts that some believe our journey to be so easy.  We wanted to adopt, so we did, and look how quickly and easily it happened!  It may have happened quickly, but there was no part of it that was easy.  There is nothing simple about someone giving you their baby to raise and be your own.  There is nothing simple when a life is in hands that are completely out of control.  There is nothing simple about the hours that must pass before signatures are given and finality is reached.  There is nothing simple about the terror in the days and months that go by before the court can put its seal of finality on our adoption records.  We hurt, yes, but thank God we have hurt… for our hurt put us on the path to adoption, to meeting many people that are now our close friends, and most of all, uniting us with our baby girls. 

Will our luck run out?  That’s what is racing through our hearts and minds.  All we can do is pray, and put our future in God’s hands.  Does it ever go away?  No, I don’t believe it does.  But with the grace of God, I’m putting it away. I’m not going to allow it to enter my thoughts and invade my heart. 

My challenge for you is to face what it is that is invading your heart.  Face it, and then erase it.  Put it in God’s hands…fall to your knees …and rise above it. 

My favorite song will always be “On Eagle’s Wings”.

…And he will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of his hand.