I was driving the pickup back from Grinnell in the middle of harvest, in the middle of a huge thunderstorm. I was a little terrified, as people were pulling over under the over passes because the rain was so hard and fast, eliminating all driving vision. It took me at least 30 minutes longer to get home, but when I made it home, I stepped out of the pickup and walked to the house. I smelt the rain, and looked at the huge thunderheads in the sky, and felt that sense of peace. Little did I know...two months later we'd be meeting Liberty's birth parents. God has that way of sending these little moments to show us that he is working his magic, whether we can see it or not.
I wanted to write this blog to be completely REAL with everyone. Not that my other ones weren't, but I know that I focused on all the good and wonderful things that we have witnessed in our life, and in our marriage.
I want to be able to reach those who are searching. Searching for a will, a way, and a family. I want to be their confidante, share their feelings, and empathize with their hearts. We know how it feels. We know what it is like when you can not control every aspect of your life. We were taken in by a beautiful family, one that has 4 beautiful children. They opened up, shared their story with us, and encouraged us along our journey. They will never know how much we love, respect,and look up to them.
Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is a way for the childless couples to find their everlasting families, and to build relationships that will last a lifetime. It is also the most terrifying, out of our control, and heartbreaking thing that you will ever be a part of. It is not for everyone. It almost angers me when people say to others, well if you can't have your own, you can just adopt. Adoption is a huge undertaking, and we hold the lives of these precious children in our hands. It takes praying, paperwork, and so many leaps of faith. I can't even put into words the feelings that we have felt. We cried so many tears. Tears to God for him to watch out for us, to see how much we wanted these precious unborn girls, to see how much we needed them, and promises that we would love them beyond our heart's limits.
There were so many nights where we'd lie awake, terrified for the future. Wanting so badly to believe that everything was going to work out perfectly, but also not wanting to get our hopes up, just to get them dashed. My heart would pound so fast and hard, that I felt I was having a heart attack.
Do you know what it's like, to hold your baby girls in your hands, just minutes after their birth and to have that sense of fear in your heart...that this could be torn away as quickly as it was handed to you?Do you know what it's like, to wait 72 hours, then 96 more hours and signatures could be revoked...and babies returned, no questions asked? There are no words. We can only say that we lost weight, we lost hair, and our strength, wow our strength felt uncrushable after we made it through. Let me tell you what it is like...to bring your baby girls home after enduring the wait...hearts so full they could burst, tears of happiness, choked up sobbing cries to our parents, and oh the hugs and kisses we covered our girls with. Now this, is rain from heaven, washing over all of us. Covering us with all of God's tears, tears for the families that he hand picked out for us from above.
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